Label: Jokes

February 18, 2011

It’s Friday, so that means there is a new Joke or Riddle on SeymourSimon.com. Check it out today to find out what has three wings, three eyes and two bills! Jokes and Riddles are right on the homepage for SeymourSimon.com.

March 5, 2010

I posted yesterday about a Barnes & Noble clerk who insisted to my sister that Seymour Simon is "not a real person." Thanks to the many friends (some fellow authors or illustrators) who weighed in on my behalf. Here are some of the funny things they wrote.

Jerry Schwarz
Need a new PR person?

Michael Hague
Speaking as one of the walking dead myself…You are very real…Welcome to the Zombie World of Publishing and Bookstores.

Diane deGroat
My brother lives in Boynton Beach. I’ll send him in.

Eric Kimmel
I know they forget all about you after you’re dead, but this is ridiculous!

Lee Bennett Hopkins
Is this the same Simon whose LUNGS—THE MUSICAL might
be a future Broadway production? Or was it GUTs—the musical?

Kate Nealon Slawta
He looked and acted real when he stayed with us in DC this week! And we had a wonderful time, by the way. I vote Yes, he’s real.

Fran Manushkin
Seymour, are you sure you’re not a figment of your imagination?

Diane Stanley
Well it’s good you finally found this out after all these years.

Laura Grosvenor
I was reminded of this quote from the Velveteen Rabbit.
"Real isn’t how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you,  then you become Real."

Well, children love you and so do many of us, so you must be real! 

March 4, 2010

My sister, Miriam, went into a B&N bookstore in Boynton Beach, Fl,  the other day and went to see the display of my books in the children’s book section. The salesperson saw her looking at the books and assured her that there was no such person as "Seymour Simon." She said that all the books were written by different people and "Seymour Simon" was just the name they used. Miriam sputtered indignantly and said, "Of course there’s a Seymour Simon! He’s my brother and he wrote all these books."  The B&N salesperson was unconvinced. So let me assure her and everyone else reading my blog: I’m real, really really real. Lots of you reading this blog have met me in person either at your school or at reading conventions and other places. Anyone I know care to cast a voice in my behalf that I’m real???? Drop a note to my blog and I’ll post it!

Signed:  The real Seymour Simon (honestly!) 

February 17, 2009

Julia wandered into the den and saw her friend Chloe playing chess with her dog.

"Amazing!" Julia said. "That must be the smartest dog in the history of the world!"

"He’s not so smart," Chloe responded.  "I’ve beaten him three out of five games so far." 

January 30, 2009

A lion decided one day to remind everyone he was king of the jungle.

He saw a monkey, and roared "Who is the King of the Jungle?"

"You are, Master," said the monkey, cowering.

Then the lion approached a warthog. "Who is the King of the Jungle?" roared the lion.

"You are, my Lord," said the warthog, quivering with fear.

Next the lion met an elephant. "Who is the King of the Jungle?" roared the lion.

The elephant grabbed the lion with his trunk, swung him in the air, slammed him ten times against a tree trunk, threw him into a dense patch of thorns, and strolled away.

"Okay!" shouted the lion. "There’s no need to turn nasty just because you don’t know the answer!" 

January 30, 2009

"Your dog must be sick. He isn’t barking. He just goes tick, tick,  tick."

"He’s not sick. He goes tick, tick, tick because he’s a watchdog!"

"Well, if he’s a watchdog, why is he running around in circles?"

"That’s because he’s all wound up!" 

January 29, 2009

What did the Mother Buffalo say to her son when he left for school today?

Ready for this one?

BISON! 

January 27, 2009

What do you call a cat that just ate a pickle?

Are you ready for this one?

Really ready?

Ok, then,

You call it a SOUR PUSS! 

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